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HMRC Letter
Quote by:
Quote made on:
Quote Submitted by: Don Caulfield
Source: The Guardian
Editor's Notes
A real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had to ask for
special permission to print it. The funniest part of this is imagining the
content of the letter sent to the Tax Office which prompted this reply
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to
our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise..
I will address them, as ever, in order.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a “begging
letter”. It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a “tax demand”.
This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy,
traditionally referred to such documents.
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the “endless stream of crapulent
whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on
to the doormat” has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not
seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that
their being from “pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and
pissant gas-mongerers” might indicate that your decision to “file them next
to the toilet in case of emergencies” is at best a little
ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that
the senders of these letters do see you as a “lackwit bumpkin” or, come to
that, a “sodding charity”. More likely they see you as a citizen of Great
Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as
a whole.
Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth
in your assertion that the taxes you pay “go to shore up the
canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services”, a moment’s
rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the
government in any way expects you to “stump up for the whole damned
party” yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor’s
disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in
fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is
spent on “junkets for Bunterish lickspittles” and “dancing whores”
whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example,
“that box-ticking facade of a university system.”
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don’t simply write “Muggins” on the envelope has to do with
the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that “sucking the very marrow of those with nothing
else to give” has never been considered as a practice because even if the
Personal Allowance didn’t render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics
involved would make it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime,whilst I would not in any way wish
to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that
even if you did choose to “give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live
in India” you would still owe us the money.
Please send it to us by Friday.
Yours sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
Inland Revenue
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...Published on: November 12, 2012
Topix For Debate
“Investors run the risk of missing out on an exceptional rally in the Japanese equity market if they continue to dismiss the region. The Topix is now as oversold as it was previously overbought at the top of the bubble at the start of 1990.”
Quote by: James Ferguson (Chief Strategist at Westhouse Securities)
Quote made on: 13/03/2012
Quote Submitted by: George Cookland
Source: Joshua Ausden of "Trustnet"
Editor's Notes
Yet another fund manager predicting great things for the Japanese equity market……..and getting it wrong.
Almost eight months ago, Mr Ferguson was encouraging us all to fill our boots, as the the pick-up in bank lending and historically cheap valuations had put this region well and truly back on fund managers` radars.
The Topix index stood at 444.66 on 13 March 2012 and, as of 1 November, finished the day at 384.28 – a small matter of a 13.5% loss in your investment stake, disregarding charges.
You would have had more fun in the casino.
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...Published on: November 2, 2012
